| First Date Do¡¯s |
 A good date is like a good job interview. Dress well. For a first date (and, really, subsequent dates), choose clothes that make you feel beautiful, handsome, sexy, and free. This might seem like an obvious bit of advice, but your appearance can provide you with 'props' that aid the conversational flow and bolster your confidence from the outside in.Consider wearing a "signature" pair of earrings, hairstyle, or shade of lipstick -- or pocket square, bow tie, or watch -- that can trigger conversation about how you got it, where you found it, or who gave it to you. Breathe. And breathe again. This is a concept worth repeating. If you're in the grip of stage two, and babbling is your tendency, resist the urge to fill the void or interrupt when your date is talking. Take several deep breaths instead. If your forte is to freeze up, try turning your date's words or phrases into a question, such as "You grew up in Idaho? What was that like?" People love to talk about themselves. Intently listening to your date conveys interest and generates goodwill. Listening is an underrated virtue; it makes others feel valued. Come prepared. As in other social situations, think up a list of reasonable, activity-specific questions to casually pose to your date to get her talking so you have something to respond to. Then listen with openness and add your own two cents, when appropriate, disclosing something human about yourself that doesn't reveal too much personal information. Revealing personal details indicates a willingness to be open. Cut yourself (and your date) some slack. Many people are impossible to please, though they may perceive themselves as just the opposite. Their dates are never good enough. "What can I say? I'm picky," admitted Jennifer, a shy writer in her late forties. She's not alone. Many of the shy singles I've worked with have the tendency to find fatal flaws in their suitors before they've had their first sip of Chardonnay or ordered their cappuccino. They silently criticize their dates for such things as talking too slowly or quickly, not knowing how to order at Starbucks, or using their napkin as a Kleenex. Because Shys are highly critical of themselves, few people can meet their standards, especially if they show interest in them. Self-kindness and awareness, free of self-criticism, increase your chances of making emotional space in your life for others. Highlight mutual interests. Discovering that someone you're attracted to likes the same things you do can be exciting. You have an instant common bond, a little bit of emotionally validating Velcro, that may help a relationship "stick." So when you learn about your shared interests, speak up instead of just keeping them to yourself. An example: "I can't believe you like to cook, too. Most of my friends just go out to eat. What do you enjoy making?" It's refreshing to meet a kindred spirit. Source: http://sheknows.com/about/look/6072.htm |
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